[Note: I was thinking about how I started this blog initially as a way to log my relationship with Jesus. I think I got away from that idea a bit, but I’ve been wanting to go back to that. After I began thinking about it, a friend came up to me at church and commented on how much she enjoyed my blog (one of my 3 readers, haha). So here I am, back at the keyboard for an update. I'm thinking that I'll post little bits as they come, rather than gear up for big posts for awhile.]
So, I have a terrible untrained voice, and I can’t hold a tune
or note, so singing has always brought out some self-conscious anxiety that I have
to determine to get over for the Lord in worship. It seems that the Lord has
been encouraging me to sing, to give myself up to it. From time to time during
worship, I sense Him guiding my voice, sometimes for a whole song, sometimes
only a line or two. I can barely hear myself over the worship team, but I sense
that my voice lifts into some harmony (rarely the melody).
The point is, He works unaided by
my musical ignorance or vocal cords.
I have a recurring sense that the Lord is singing with me.
He lifts my voice to meet others’ in what becomes, for a moment, a tiny
microcosm of harmony within the greater medley. I’ve begun to hunger for these
moments and feel His delight in them. I feel my face beaming in genuine smile
when it happens. It’s exciting to realize the Lord’s presence in this way. When
I’m chasing His voice, I lose self-consciousness in my desire for our
harmony.
It occurs to me that this is how He works as our Head, bringing us together in every area of our lives
and in our work for Him. It is just like Him to pick an area of my life that I haven’t
even considered working on, that is ‘hopeless’ to me – so hopeless that I don’t
bother about it – to demonstrate how He is in complete control. If He wants me
to worship Him with my voice, then by golly, I will, even despite myself. He even makes it sound good from time to time!
If I was the only one singing, it would be a sad and possibly scary worship time! But in step with my brothers and sisters and the Spirit, He draws a symphony out of us. That's something worth singing about.
