Why I "gave up" writing, and what happened afterwards...

I've started this post a bunch of different ways. The fact that I still don't know what I want to say, or how to say it, makes me laugh. Because I came here to tell you about how I decided to "give up writing".

For those of you who know me, this might sound shocking. For as long as I can remember, I've considered myself "a writer". It's been a huge part of my identity since... well, probably grade school.

Words. Language. From the time I learned how to read, I've rarely been without a book in my hand, or a notebook and pen. I've taken French, Latin, Greek, and a smidge of Italian and Vietnamese. I LOVE LANGUAGE. I even got an MFA in creative writing. So it made sense that I would work with words forever, right?

Except that isn't what's happened. For starters, I am TERRIBLE at finishing anything. Poems, stories, novels, essays, blogs...it's all DRUDGERY to me. But the desire to create and tell stories has remained constant, so much so that it drives me crazy that all my writing ideas seem to fizzle out.

So when I came to Christ in September, I immediately began trying to capture my new relationship with Him in words. I have probably written thousands of journal pages...but not much I would want to share, or that would be coherent to anyone but me. And God, of course. He can make sense of my mess.

But the problem is, I WANT to share this experience. I want to tell everyone what I've been learning, and how precious Jesus is to me, and how He has been transforming my life by entering every single part of it, in some really surprising ways.

As I have been reading the Bible and getting closer to God, He has from time to time brought certain ideas to the forefront of my mind. One of those ideas was the fact that He is remaking me, from my own person into His own perfect plan for my person. And part of that process has involved Him stripping away many parts of my identity - as I have understood it - and replacing them. I've had to become aware of these areas that He has wanted to tinker with, and then allow Him to make the changes. He doesn't just yank things away without my permission, but I've come to understand that if I want to grow, to know Him better, and to see the amazing things He has planned for me, I have to let go of some old, old, dearly held beliefs.


Now, through Jesus' death and resurrection, God undertook a very thorough and costly rescue mission, not just for all mankind, but for me personally. It took me awhile to get it through my head: that since He has had all this planned since before He created the world, that includes His plan for my individual life. I still can't wrap my head around it. But one thing I know: He wants what is best for me, and He wants to use me to tell people about Jesus.

All that said, I realized that whenever I tried to write, I would get frustrated, miserable, stressed, and  become difficult to be around. Basically the opposite of what I wanted, and definitely not what God wanted.

So I told Him that if He wanted me to give up writing, to let go of "writer" as my primary identity, then I was OK with it.

And I did. And it was OK. The relief of not having to face a white page anymore was overwhelming.

For a while, I was happy just nerding out in my Bible, reading and taking notes and reading commentaries and different versions, expository writing, praying, and nurturing my relationship with God...not to mention getting creative in the kitchen, and playing with Netters. But then I started to feel like there was more, like He had a plan for me that DID involve creating, somehow.

I don't remember exactly how it came to mind, but I recalled that a few years ago I had messed around with a comic making website, and that it had been affordable and fun. And I realized that my relationship with Jesus had been very visual from the beginning - complete with waking dreams. I thought, maybe I should renew my account and see if inspiration strikes. 

Boy, did it. (my comic, Indwelling Sword)

Instead of having to come up with my own words (although I do some of that, too), I realized that I have the whole of God's revelation to work with!

The long and short of it is, I "gave up" writing to the Lord, and once I did, He transformed my somewhat narrow idea of what writing stories looked like, and gave me a wonderful, colorful, visual medium to splash around in.

The timing of all this?

We're in Week 9 of Coronavirus touching down on humanity. Here in Vietnam, we're socially distancing with the rest of the world, but we've been largely blessed with merely boredom and not masses of ill people. While a lot of countries are just beginning to feel its effects and react with paranoia and fear, we've already been adjusting for weeks. Guess what? It's going to be OK. Even if it isn't. God is still in control. He's never not been in control.

But so I've had a LOT of time to create, and think, and look up from my small, sequestered world to see just how many people need encouragement right now.

I'm going to be honest with you: the only encouragement I have for you right now is in the Person of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Some of you might bristle at that, but it's the truth. Everyone is sharing right now about how they're "coping", and so I'm going to share, too. But I'm not "coping." I'm thriving, overwhelmed with awe and thankfulness for God's provision in this time and situation. And I am hoping that God uses me, my transformed creativity, and my desire to speak about Him to spread encouragement, hope, faith, and comfort.

If you're like the majority of us, you don't have a whole lot to do right now. And there's no one judging you or looking over your shoulder. You might as well take a peek at what God has inspired me to create. It's free of charge, and you might just find the God of the universe speaking to you.

Here's Episode 1, or you can look at the whole comic using the link I posted above.